Hello Anonymous, we are your mother.

Please get your feet off the couch. Have you even looked for a job today? Did you clean your ferret cage like we asked you? Before taking down the Church of Scientology, how about taking out the garbage? We have watched you living in our basement well past your twenties. Hitting on your sister’s high school friends. Borrowing the minivan and leaving it on empty. And what is this $49.99 charge for Sinful Entertainment that keeps showing up on our Mastercard? It’s not like we haven’t tried. Have you been using the ProActiv we bought you? Did you read the brochures we left you from Apex technical school? We and your stepfathers have decided you must move out.

We are your mother.

We are not your maid.

Respect us.